"Yesterday I felt desperate to hold you. I stretched myself out on the couch and let out a hundred sighs and cries. Yesterday, two, three, and four yesterdays I felt afraid to tell you that I miss you. Today I’ll try not to wait to hear from you because the next five, six or seven tomorrows are still going to be spent far away from you. I will drink two cups of espresso and sit on my roof pretending to be a cloud."
"You might try then, as I did, to find a sky so full of stars it will blind you again. Only no sky can blind you now. Even with all that iridescent magic up there, your eye will no longer trace constellations. You’ll care only about the darkness and you’ll watch it for hours, for days, maybe even for years, trying in vain to believe you’re some kind of indispensable universe-appointed sentinel, as if just by looking you could actually keep it all at bay. It will get so bad you’ll be afraid to look away, you’ll be afraid to sleep."
"I think I was afraid that if I talked about it, if I let the memory be articulated, it might vanish or decompose, the way some fragile and precious ancient things turn to dust if they are unearthed."
"I would say goodbye but I can’t because I am afraid it might be my last. I hope to hear from you some time in the near future. It doesn’t even have to be near, just some time. I will never forget you."
"Getting you out of my mind is like separating the wind from the cloud. I’m so afraid of losing someone I never have."
"I wanted to tell her everything, maybe if I’d been able to, we could have lived differently, maybe I’d be there with you now instead of here. Maybe… if I’d said, ‘I’m so afraid of losing something I love that I refuse to love anything,’ maybe that would have made the impossible possible. Maybe, but I couldn’t do it, I had buried too much too deeply inside me. And here I am, instead of there."
"I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. she was the type to like things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was and I think thats why she struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed."
"I think that right now is a good time for change. I want to be different. I’m tired of how afraid I am, of how much i don’t like myself and how I pretend to like being lonely. I’m thoughtless, yet consumed by thoughts. I think about how I want to change, I don’t think about actually changing. It’s scary. It’s really scary. I’m going to change. I’ve said it a thousand times over, and I wonder when I’m actually going to mean it. I’ve always assumed that if I wait long enough it will just come to me one day. There will be something, someone, or some magical day that saves me and changes me. I realize how stupid that is. I’ve realized how stupid it is for me to sit home every friday night and how stupid it is to be afraid of everything and everyone and think so badly of myself. How stupid it is to be afraid of anything. My fear has consumed me and it has paralyzed me. All those cliches about how you only have one life and how you’re only young once, it’s all true. I’m really tired of wasting it because it makes no sense to. In the end, the only thing stopping me from being the person that I want to be, the only thing stopping me from enjoying life and being happy, is me and my fears. if you’re reading this, and you’ve been looking for some sort of sign, consider this it. Consider this your sign, your realization of how completely stupid you’re being. Look at your life and try to understand that you can’t get any of this wasted time back. But do you really want to grow up and look back and realize that your whole life, you never really lived? Change now. It’s going to be okay, I swear."
"I gave you my insides: my lungs, breath, nerves, my guts, soul, brains, blood, I gave you my words and all the time I had. I still feel you in the spaces between my bones. You’re denser than any heavy metal. I’m afraid i’ll feel you in my tissues. Toxic until the end of my time."
"Maybe there’s something you’re afraid to say, or someone you’re afraid to love, or somewhere you’re afraid to go. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna hurt because it matters."
"There is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock. People so tired. Mutilated. Either by love or no love. People just are not good to each other. One on one. The rich are not good to the rich. The poor are not good to the poor. We are afraid. Our educational system tells us that we can all be big-ass winners. It hasn’t told us about the gutters. Or the suicides. Or the terror of one person aching in one place. Alone. Untouched. Unspoken to."
"I’m afraid of time… I mean, I’m afraid of not having enough time. Not enough time to understand people, how they really are, or to be understood myself. I’m afraid of the quick judgements or mistakes everybody makes. You can’t fix them without time. I’m afraid of seeing snapshots, not movies."
"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles."
"The longer that I wait, the more that i’m afraid, that someone’s gonna fool your heart and take you away."
